break a way

what i've done these past few days? 24th, 25th & 26th july 2009.

friday.

jmpe TTM. 1st time tgk die pakai bju melayu.

mlm? nothing much. i slept early.

and sent few msg to those i love...

u know who u r. aite ppl(s)? =]

then i sleep alone. in the dark room.

listening to the fray. and pink as well.

with sorrow, i fell asleep.

saturday.

bgn awal. setelah sekian lame, pergi jln kaki ke pasar tani.

it's been a while act. ptg, mama blk dr UPSI. lepas asar, jln.

went to masjid jamek-jln tar. owhhh...ramai org. and.

gagal. duit habis jgk. owh tewas~ rm100 ++. wuwuwu. T_T

1st time x on9 24 jam langsung2. hampir gile. ahah~

sunday.

bgn. on9 fb jap. tu je. breakfast manggis. lunch m&m.

obviously i'm not ok. aite? theyyy said so. entah. penat.

mentally. but. life must goes on. pushhh pushhh pushhh.

no need to tell every1 that u're not ok. they're not ok too.

they just pretend, to be ok. cuz they know. they've too.

then aqilah. let the time passed by.

i looked at my hp. contacts. 1 by 1.

and owh, i've almost done from a-z. i don't know.

who to turns to. to call. to sms. to share. to cry with.

it's not that i don't have any friends. i've a lot.

just. each of them. don't know the real me.

cuz i didn't let them 2 know me 100%.

it makes me realize, i just need ALLAH all the way down.

owhhh. i've the dark past side of me. i'm such an evil.

i did a lot of mistakes. and i watched 'nur kasih' accidentally.

and yesss. meremang bulu roma. grrrrrr~ and it makes me sad.

being pathetic as aqilah amin, is act horrible. i'm not that special.

i, am dirty. and...ishhh. da tataw nak gune perkataan plg seswai da.

i know. past is past. let go. never look back. but sometimes.

we've to look back. do not repeat the same mistake again. but. i did.

i'm happy 4 others. 4 those who's happy. yes i am.

but i'm wating 4 my turn to. u know...it's like...

i'm having a good ordinary day these past few weeks.

no problems at all. but there's something missing.

i guess, it is the true nur[light] that i haven't discover yet...

each of my friends. including u guys, who's reading, have their own matters.

that obviously 1 of my main reason to, not to share any bad news / feelings.

i've to stand on my own. yes i'm. while i was being gloomy alone, i was thinking.

"well aqilah. u're showing the world that u're independent. at least.

u're not that totally-pampered anak tunggal"

yes yes yes. i'm proud bout that. cuz i realize. with all the ppl arounds me.

i've seen that, i'm LOTTT more stronger & independent than half of the ppl around me.

and these past few days. i've been thinking bout a lot & a lottt of things.

bout my past, my attitude, my future, and. erm. so much things.

and it's hard to describe. well. let say, here's a few lesson learned.

based on others, cased & i heard bout it. and, this is just on opinion.

1 - kalau seorg lelaki tu betul2 baik, mcm mane pon die minat / syg dgn seorg perempuan yg dah jd milik org lain [gf org lain] contohnye, die tak akan kacau perempuan tuh. sbb die taw perempuan tuh milik org lain. die akan tnggu je, & mungkin akan luahkan perasaan die tp still die tak akan kacau lebeyh2 sbb die taw, die kene hormat hak org lain. tp, kalau dah terang2 awk tuh gf org, dan lelaki tuh kacau awk jgk, mmg dah terang2 la lelaki tuh sebenarnye x baik. tp...yg lg naik lemak. awk pun layan lelaki lain tuh sedangkan awk dah ade bf yg amat sgt baik. pd pendpt sy, ape kate awk yg mintak putus dgn bf awk tuh, sbb awk ckp, die tuh bkn baik sgt. org lain je rase bf awk baik. tuh awk ckp kan? ape kate... awk yg dah x syg die. awklah yg mintak putus dgn bf awk tuh. bf awk kan jahat? mungkin lelaki yg minat awk tuh lg baik n memahami awk dr bf awk. lepas tuh blh la awk bercinta terus dgn lelaki tuh. awk pun bahgie sbb baik same baik...

2 - sy tak pernah kisah pon awk ade bf. sy x berkenan sgt dgn bf awk tuh, yer la, sy sebagai kwn, mesti ambil berat jgk. tp sy x ckp bnyk, sbb awk pun bkn jenis blh terima pndpt org lain sgt. tp masih sy ambil berat ttg awk. sy nmpk...awk bkn nye slalu bahgie dgn die. lelaki mcm tuh? awk syg sgt? sdgkan ade lelaki lain yg syg awk dgn lebih jujur. sy tak pernah berpk bkn2 walaupun awk selalu keluar mlm dgn die sampai x blk rumah. sbb sy percaye dgn awk. sy yakinkan diri sy yg awk pandai jage diri. tp baru2 ni sy dpt taw, yg sebenarnye awk selame ni terlalu syg die sbb...awk dah serahkan segalanya. awk. mmg sy dgn awk berbeza. sy cuba tak mencarut wlpun marah, tp awk dah sebati dgn mencarut. tp sy x pernah kisah. sbb kte kwn...

tp. ble sy dpt taw awk da serahkan segala2 nya dkt die. mmg sy kecewa. mcm mane sy dpt taw awk x perlu taw, tp itu bukti yg mmg sgt jelas. sy frust. baru sy perasan, duit belanja awk mmg selalu cpt habis. pdhal x nmpk ke mane pon hilang duit awk tuh. sy yakin. awk belanjekan utk die. awk! sy x kisahlah kalau lelaki tuh baik. hormat awk. sy taw, ade kekasih yg mmg syg same syg, jujur dan terlanjur. tp die awk? sy x yakin dgn die. dr dulu lg. ishhh... entahlah mcm mane sy nak tegur awk. sy takut. tp tlglah... sudahlah. ingt skit,ade lelaki yg syg awk dgn jujur walaupun dah tahu ttg awk yg sebenar. sampai skrng sy pk ttg awk walaupun kte x serapat mane dah.

entahlah. bnyk yg sy pk kan. bnyk aspek. sekecil2 hidup sy & org sekeliling.

dunia. globalisasi. and... idk. lot n lot. erm. i know.

it's a booorinnggg post. i just need some time. to sit back n think.

and think. think. think. but still, i'm okay ppl.

owhh... i'm going 2 srwk. t heee~ 5th-10th august. saje gedik.

then blk kl. 17th or 18th or 19th or 20th nnt, blk kuching lg. ahahahhaha...

skeee hati la nak ulang alik! haha XD

owhhh...cant wait to see my kittyyy2 kittens. yeah yeah!

owh yer. ade 1 baju plg cantik sy beli semlm kan...

x muat. waaaaaaaaaaaaa.

bkn la x muat. leh pakai. tp sumpah.

cam nangka busuk kene bungkus. ahah~

kalau kurang lg 5kg - 8kg, maybe nice sgt3.

tp...tah. kuat makan. ske hati la. perut happy. haha.

p/s; lola da ade bf. hahahahah....

tp...err. tataw la lola ade bf ke.

tuan lola yg ske dkt tuan bf die. wakaka XD