Sunday, November 29, 2009

terkapai - kapai kelemasan


1

"untung kau. ramai orang syg kau. kan? ramai org tak hargai kau,
tp ramai jgk yg syg. patah tumbuh hilang berganti"

aku tersenyum. kelat bercampur baur dgn bersyukur. tp jawapanku.

"aku bersyukur. namun, sygnya. aku tak mampu. aku tak mampu nak puaskan hati semua orang. aku tak mampu nak sayang semua org seperti mana yang mereka harapkan atau jangkakan. aku tak mampu untuk sentiasa menggembirakan hati mereka."

"kadang aku rasa bersalah, kerana aku menjadi diri aku. tapi mereka yang terlalu menyayangi aku sentiasa mengharapkan tumpuan dan ingatan yang 'selalu ada'. mungkin mereka tak begitu mengenali aku, duniaku, hatiku, caraku. aku tak pernah lupa mereka sesaat tapi untuk selalu menyayangi mereka sebagaimana mereka menyayangi aku, adalah tak termampu. kerana aku masih belum menyayangi diri aku sendiri. masakan aku dapat menyayangi org lain"

hatiku berkata. syukur dgn cinta yang diperolehi, tapi kadang, ia tak mudah. untuk menjaga hati semua pihak. memberikan masa yang terhad itu untuk sebaiknya. maafkan aku. maafkan juga kerana caraku, mungkin berbeda dgn kalian.


2

"cemburu tandanya sayang. ambil berat tandanya cinta"

aku tahu. aku tunduk dan mengangguk. syukur lg dgn rahmat Illahi.

"tapi. aku juga punyai tabiat buruk. yang sememangnya, fitrah aku. jangan terlalu menyayangi, jgn terlalu mengambil berat, atau terlalu cemburu. aku rimas. aku suka disayangi. tapi, aku juga sukakan kebebasan aku. banyak benda dan pihak perlu aku utamakan juga. bukan tak menghargai, tapi biarlah berpada - pada."

aku diam. lantas aku teringat pesan nenek.

"sayang biar berpada - pada. benci biar beringat - ingat. kelak khuatir, yg disayangi menjadi benci sebencinya sehingga wujud dendam kelumat. kelak yg dibenci menjadi yg disygi dan dipuja - puja seperti dewa"

aku termenung. aku sgt tidak gemar membenci. dan aku tidak mahu dibenci.


3.

"bukan salah kau. salah aku juga. salah mereka juga"

aku berjalan perlahan. dan berhenti. benar. apa - apa pun tak boleh salahkan satu pihak. mesti semua pihak terlibat ada salahnya. tapi, mudah saja.

"pernah kau hayati lirik lagu akon - sorry, blame it on me? kau hayati. mungkin, bila terjadi apa - apa, kau marah, kau salahkan semua orang, tapi, kau pernah cermin diri? pensyarah aku pernah kata, berhenti salahkan orang atau faktor sekeliling. belajar salahkan diri sendiri dan perbaiki apa yang patut."

"semua pilihan di tangan aku. segala perkara yang terjadi, atas pilihan aku. apa yang aku pilih. risiko yang aku ambil. inilah ragam manusia. aku jua manusia. aku sedar, semua yang buruk itu dari aku. mungkin ada salah orang lain juga, tapi biarlah mereka. dikurniakan akal fikiran, diberi kurniaan seketul daging yang bernama 'hati'. sepatutnya tahu kelak, yang benar itu sentiasa menang."


4.

"kenapa kau tinggalkan orang yang kau sayang, dan akhirnya kau yang terluka?
kenapa lepaskan mereka kalau kau tak merelakan?"

hatiku tercarik. kenangan mula datang satu - persatu. namun, ah, pedulikan yang pahit. aku telan yang manis belaka.

"aku sayang mereka. tapi mereka sayang org lain. mereka terluka kerana terpaksa melukakan hati aku. aku terluka melihat mereka terluka kerana melukakan hati aku. aku sayang. tapi itu bukan hak aku. aku harus lepaskan. mungkin, ada di antara mereka hak aku, tapi mungkin belum tiba masanya. biarlah, Allah lebih tahu."

"aku lepaskan. tapi hati aku, tiap saat merindu. bertahun, jauh di mata tapi dekat di hati. aku doakan yang terbaik. merisik khabar melalu org lain, melalui cara lain. biarlah mereka tak nampak, tapi tuhan nampak. tatkala air mata menemani aku, biarlah mereka tertawa gembira. tatkala aku diselimuti sepi, biarlah mereka ditemani yang tersayang."

"hati aku menjadi keping - keping melepaskan mereka. bila akan bercantum? mudah. ucapan "hi" sudah buat hatiku bercantum. namun, sudah menjadi adat, sewaktu ia mula bercantum satu - persatu, akhirnya berkecai semula. kelebihan dan kelemahan juga bg aku, mudah mempercayai dan menyayangi"


5.

"kau buat juga perkara bodoh. mengapa?"

aku akui. terlalu banyak perkara bodoh yang aku lakukan. hendak ku kesal pun tiada guna. sebab aku tahu kesalahanku itu adalah perkara terbaik yang aku buat, untuk menjadikan aku lebih kepada seorang manusia.

"aku dulu terlalu banyak dosa dan kesalahan. masih lagi sekarang. cuma mungkin kini aku bertambah matang, dan punyai kesedaran. tapi, benar, aku bukan sekuat dan setabah orang lain yang mungkin boleh bertahan dari sifat amarah, negatif, 24jam sehari semalam, sepanjang masa. aku bukan sempurna itu. ada masanya dalam jihad aku ini, aku tewas. walaupun mungkin seminit dua, tapi kesan kekalahanku itu, benar membodohkan diri aku sendiri"

"jangan kau harapkan aku sentiasa kuat. jangan kau harapkan aku tidak membuat kesalahan. tolonglah. aku bukan bidadari mahupun malaikat. tolong. tipulah kalau kau jauh lebih kuat. boleh kau hidup tanpa memaki, sumpah seranah, tanpa berasa marah langsung, tanpa berasa sedih langsung. boleh? maka. jangan terlalu menunding jari kepadaku. aku masih mencuba, korbankan kepentingan diri dan sentiasa kuatkan semangat, iman, hatiku."



Worth the Effort

Back when I was still in school and subletting in Toronto for co-op terms, my roomate and I enjoyed Pancake Sundays. I think it actually came from watching an episode of How I Met your Mother where they indulged in this ritual and we just thought it seemed like a good idea. They were never exactly fancy (for some reason the concept of making pancakes from scratch never occured to me in those days and we generally used Bisquick) but it was something to look forward to and a nice change from the usual toast or cereal for breakfast during the week.

I don't eat a whole lot of pancakes nowadays...most of the time I find the savoury camp wins out and we usually dine on some variation of eggs and bacon on weekends, but once in awhile pancake Sundays come back!

To be perfectly honest, the main reason for my motivation was that I had some leftover ricotta in the fridge from the Lasagna-style Rotini earlier in the week and I recalled flagging this recipe a few weeks ago. Either they, they seemed a little different, looked good and I had all the necessary ingredients. Why not try it out?

The recipe did seen like a little more work than your typical pancake recipe. The ricotta was simply added to the wet mix, but the eggs needed to be separated and the white whisked until stiff, then folded into the batter. This also resulted in the fluffiest pancake batter I've ever seen, and frankly I was a little concerned these were going to be weirdly puffy and uncooked in the middle.

But anyway...despite the egg white situation and the fact that my arm will probably be aching tomorrow* these were SO WORTH IT. I can't even explain in words why these are so good. Light, fluffy and just a bit of tang from the ricotta give these pancakes such a good flavour you would be happy to just eat them with a bit of butter. The ricotta also keeps the pancakes extremely moist and delicious. Please, please try this recipe. I promise you won't regret it.

*Side story: I've never actually whipped egg whites before until stiff. I knew this wasn't exactly easy and had a tendency to be a bit tricky, but figured with some patience I should at least TRY it by hand before resorting to the whisk attachment on the immersion blender.

I think I went at it for probably a good 10-15 minutes before finally giving up. It also probably wasn't the smartest idea to use a regular small bowl to do this in, and by the time the egg whites started to expand I had started to make a bit of a mess. Thankfully, once I got the hand blender in there it took probably another two minutes until they were stiff and fluffy. So for next time...don't bother attempting to do this by hand. Just go with whatever electronic mixer you have and be thankful for technology!


Ricotta Pancakes
Adapted from Serious Eats
(This recipe made about 16 small pancakes. I'd say enough for three or four people)

200 g (about a cup) ricotta cheese
3/4 cup milk
4 eggs, separated
1/2 tsp vanilla
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1 tbsp sugar Butter

1. Beat ricotta with milk, egg yolks and vanilla until smooth. In another bowl, sift or whisk together the dry ingredients. Add the ricotta mixture to the dry ingredients and stir very lightly.

2. Beat the egg whites until they are stiff and carefully fold them into the batter.

3. Cook over low to medium heat in a bit of butter, until the pancakes are lightly golden underneath. The recipe stated (correctly) that these are somewhat harder to tell when they are ready to flip as the typical bubbles don't come up quite so readily. So check on the colour of the pancakes after a couple minutes. When the time is right, turn and cook for about another minute, until the cakes are cooked through.

Quick tip: I discovered this summer that the MICROWAVE is a great place to keep pancakes warm while the rest of the batch is being cooked. The insulation keeps the heat in without having to use any energy so the heat from each round maintains a nice warm temperature. Also beats keeping them warm in the oven as you don't have the risk of drying out your pancakes this way!

4. Serve hot with a butter and maple syrup, or some sort of fruit topping. Devour.

Airport Mishap, Larabars, and Giveaway Winners!

Firstly, I have missed the blog world! My brief 2 1/2 days in Chicago were jam-packed with family, friends, and food. I look forward to catching up my blog-rollers today at some point!

Mom and I did manage to squeeze in a step class yesterday morning. It was supposed to be step + strength, but she decided to kick our butts with an hour of step. It annoyed me to great lengths that the instructor of the class did her helicopters going the opposite way I've learned...so I had trouble keeping up with those because my body knew what it wanted to do already!

And then my luck continued at O'Hare Security...

Background story: In April (I think it was April) heading back to Tulsa from my Bachelorette Party, I forgot about a can of hairspray in my carry-on. My bag got searched and my poor, over-loaded packing skills allowed for "Tickle His Pickle," lingerie, personal lubricants, and all other sex-related personal items given to me by friends, to spew from my suitcase as the older gentleman searched the bag and stander-byes pointed, snickered, and laughed. I tried explaining that it was my Bachelorette Party this weekend and I was heading for home, but I just received an annoyed "whatever, nympho" stink eye. A-w-k-w-a-r-d.

Fast-forward to yesterday when my handbag didn't make it through the scanner. A gentlemen asked me to step to the side, and asked if there was anything in my bag he needed to know about, as he searched my bag. Told me not to touch anything. He pulled out books, iPod, magazines, wallet, sunglasses, gum...the usual. He ran the bag again and again it looked suspicious. In the VERY VERY bottom of my bag was a paring knife I had brought to work to cut up an apple WEEKS ago. So the security guy 1) thought I was lying because I didn't tell him it was in there when he asked (didn't know!!!!), 2) it was shoved to the bottom, and 3) it was wrapped in a paper towel and Ziplock. Thank goodness I don't look like a crazy person? Scarily, that same knife was in my bag coming from Tulsa to Chicago. Hmmm. Anyways, husband was pretty embarrassed.

Thankfully we're driving up for Christmas? :)

While in Chicago, I was able to visit my personal paradise: TRADER JOE'S!!! I don't know what was more exciting, the wine sample guy being from south Tulsa and nearly demanding we try every wine he had, or that I finally found these LARABARS everyone's been raving about! Trader Joe's was a much-needed fix in this RD's heart. Oh, and Chianti...had to get SEVERAL bottles of the various Chianti's TJ's carries...Mmm!



Ends up, these LARABARS are worth the chatter. I tried the "Cherry Pie" bar this morning and it was delicious! These bars are 190-210 calories and loaded with MUFA's and PUFA's...mostly MUFA's! They're like a protein bar in consistency, but the protein content is low-to-moderate -- the bars are high in fat and carbohydrates. The "Cherry Pie" LARABAR contained NO sodium, 350 mg potassium, 4 grams of fiber, and 5 grams of MUFA's. The ingredients? Get ready.....dates, almonds, unsweetened cherries. The bars are gluten, dairy, and soy free and also contain 2 grams of omega-6's. Wish it was omega-3's but nonetheless, thumbs up, LARABAR!!


Lots to try!


Complaint: Size. I wanted more!!

And, of course...Newman's Own Organics GIVEAWAY WINNERS!!!
Allison and Andrea!!


Giveaway 1: The Cookie Monster
Newman's Own Organics Champion Chip Cookies (Chocolate)
Newman's Own Organics Ginger Hermits
Newman's Own Organics 54% cocoa Dark Chocolate Bar

Winner of Giveaway #1: Allison!!!!
(THANK YOU for the pumpkin pancake recipe -- making them tonight!!)

Giveaway 2: The Smorgasborg
 Newman's Own Organics White Cheddar Soy Crisps
Newman's Own Organics California Prunes
Newman's Own Organics 54% cocoa Espresso Dark Chocolate Bar

Winner of Giveaway #2: Andrea of Andrea's Wellness Notes 

Send me your addresses, ladies and I'll hopefully get those out to you tomorrow!
Mrs.RD44@gmail.com
Thank you to all for participating!!


Off to pick-up our pup who's been at over-night camp for 3 days now...can't wait to see baby girl! Have a wonderful Sunday, bloggies!

International Festival

29 november 2009, minggu
Hari ini di EPIC diadain international festival, yang tiap tahun diadakan 1 kali aja, yaitu kumpulan orang2 berbagai negara yang ngadain semacam festival, ada panggung acaranya, ada jual2 makanan khas masing2 negara, ada seni tari,musik, macem macem deh. Kali ini Indonesia menampilkan fashion show baju2 daerah.

Kali ini gw ga ikutan nonton acaranya soalnya diminta temen buat bantu2in acara fashion show itu, buat makein baju2 ke model. Modelnya si campur, ada ce jepangnya, ada ce indo nya, ada juga bapa2 yang ikutan tampil pake baju batik . Gw juga bingung dah pas makein baju2 begitu, ribet, banyak asesorisnya, macem 2 dah, blom lagi make up, blom lagi urusan rambut...hohoho, gpp dah jadi pengalaman.

Mei kali ini ikutan fashion baju ala Bali. Gw si cuman iseng make baju ala Betawi.
Persiapannya semua butuh 3-4 jam, soalnya banyak banget modelnya...mesti satu2 diurusin, tampilnya ga ada 5 menit...hahah, capeee deh...tapi biar gitu, kita enjoy deh, critanya cinta negara nihhh...

Pulang di rumah da jam 5 an, telerrr....hohoho...gw butuh maid lagi hari iniiiii...

Perjuangan mencari Momiji

28 november 2009, sabtu

Udah akhir musim gugur, awal musim dingin. Kesempatan buat liat momiji, artinya daun merah. Sebenernya kita ketelatan juga si buat jalan2 tapi kemarin2 suami liburnya hari biasa, n Mei sekolah, jadi ga sempet dah. Pas banget hari ini suami libur, n Mei juga libur sekolah, jadi jalan2 liat pohon momiji da.

Pagi2 jam 8an, kita da di perjalanan, rencananya ke Kumakogen, kira2 satu stngh jem dari rumah..lumayan jauhhh...tapi nyampe disana, ga ada orang sama sekali..heran, masih kepagian ato kenapa ya? kita akhirnya jalan masuk tuh, ternyataaa....emang ga ada orang??? busettt dah...yang kita cari juga uda ga ketemu, ternyata daun2 nya uda pada gugur, na lho????

Akhirnya nerusin perjalanan ke suatu tempat, gw lupa dah namanya apaan?? Ternyata disono juga ga ketemu, malah kita masuk ke tempat yang sepi, tapi emang pemandangannya bagusss.Cuman jalanannya itu curam bangettt, kayak di ujung tebing yang cuman dibatasin pagar kayu...kowwaiii...serem. Di bawah tebing tuh mengalir sungai yang banyak batu batu an gede, ada air terjunnya lagi...uda kayak masuk ke dunia lain dah...mana sepi juga ga ada orang...seremmm..akhirnya kita memutuskan buat balik lagi ke mobil. Disini ga foto2, soalnya suami uda wanti wanti, jangan foto, takut masuk yang aneh2...huhuuuu...pdhal tempatnya bagusss bgttt...

Yah uda kita jalan lagi, nyari tempat istirahat, ehhh ternyata di t4 itu banyak pohon momiji nyaaa...bagus banget buat foto2. Yah uda deh, foto2 action disitu, daripada ga ada sama sekali.

PUlang2 uda capeeeeee....tapiiii kerjaan numpuk puk puk.....hohoho, rasanya saat2 ini gw butuh maidddd....bangettt dahhh

hey fellas!

I haven't check my blog for a month. hmm.
i miss my free time so much.
And i miss to write lotsa experience.
Btw, tomorrow i have a final test (again).
And, until now, i haven't study.
Ahhh I promise, after final test, i will write and update more more more more and more.
Have you follow my twitter? I always update my twitter btw.
And, have you buy my Magic Box?? you should buy magic box, really.
Okay, i have to go. bye fellas!
*spam* *spam* *spam*

Mui Ne, Phan Thiet - Vietnam


Tốt buổi sáng Việt Nam!!!

I just sometimes can't believe it that I have been living and working in Saigon for almost 7 months already. How time flies. I already learned to embrace their culture, foods, scenery and language. And even the chaotic motorbikes whom I find irritating at first is now part of my everyday life. I have my everyday hitch on the Xe Om (motorbike) driver and the adventure I had everyday made me decide to buy one soon. Saigon is very small, that's why I go to the same malls, bars and all other stuff. So it's always great to have a city escape once in a while. And I am going to share you a story about a beach place and the reason why I was smitten.


Mui Ne is in Phan Thiet. A six-hour drive from the city. You can either rent a coaster or a van or you can ride the public bus. The public bus will cost you about 120,000 dong. Basically P360.00 pesos or roughly AU$12.00 dollars. I must say it's a great escape, a worth it six-hour drive. You can find the strip of good resorts to choose from. Good restaurants also surround the area. There's this nice bar near the shore that will lend you some pillows so you can lie down on the sand and gaze at the stars during night time. Lovers, friends and soloist could probably enjoy this unique offering. It's one spectacular moment to wish upon a brightly shining star and hopefully it will come true.



Aside from putting sand between your toes it's also good to watch and play some football in the sand. Isn't it great? I thought frisbee and volleyball are the two sports that we can only play on the beach, I think I was wrong. Because Vietnam is a football country the volleyball thingy won't appeal to them so this is what I got in Mui Ne. Since I am playing football lately I became enthusiastic about this nice Goalie court I found in the middle of the shore. But I feel bad I took it off playing with the Saigon Raiders. I am really not sure if I will go back. I had my bruise on my knee. It's kinda big one. Maybe I will hangout first with some Vietnamese footy players then hopefully go back to Saigon Raiders or could be with the Saigon Saints. In the meantime I still do train on my own with my football and do some drills whenever I can. It's hard to be athletic these days. But I am not giving up my running and Muay Thai and will join the jungle trekking come February.

In a nutshell, Vietnam has a lot of interesting beaches. I got smitten first by Mui Ne. I supposed to go to Na Trang but it was postponed. Maybe I try to visit Hoi An first and find out why Anthony Bourdain would love to live there with his family given the chance. But in my own opinion beaches in my country is still incomparable. I think we really have the most captivating beaches in Asia. I don't know if I can claim that, but probably I can.

Tạm biệt!
Cho đến khi thời gian tới
...

hugs,
joanie xxx