tak taw nak cakap mcm mane

"entahlah. sshlah nk ckp. mcm ni .... tah, tak taw nak cakap mcm mane"

it always ends up like this.

perhaps, i'm having some difficulties in explaining feeling & expression. i got tonnes of things bugging in my mind, but, i... terrifyingly have no suitable word to tell.

i once heard "cinta, kasih syg itu anugerah Allah. sbb, bila-bila je Allah boleh tarik balik anugerah tu. Jadi hargai selagi ada." -- the main point is, cinta or kasih syg tu sendiri, blh dtg tanpa diduga, dan pergi bak ditiup angin. cam gitu? kan? it happened to me, once. i lose it all when i begin to give up. and let go.

basically i guess this would be a rojak entry again.

i have this one feeling, spreading in my heart now. like a cancer. replacing those feeling, i once had before. still, a positive feeling, but kinda different. am i making a big change in my life? no one knows.

my life ain't that so complicated for now. lucky enough - Alhamdulilah. i'm fine, just fine. good. so, u know, fine & good mean - just nice. nothing less, and nothing more.

eid was simplest, cousins did think so. things change. but 1 thing remain every year - "Aqilah makin sihat. semangat. did u put on weight?" and i nodded, and say yes. DANG u. u were totally spoiling my mood. i'm not blind to see how FAT i am. and u should learn more about common sense. sbb rasenye. bnde yg ta best tuh ta payah lah nak cakap kuat2 dpn org ramai. as for me, that is quite insulting and shameful.

HEALTH - one of the most precious gift from god. i went to Hospital Kajang yesterday to visit Namin's mum. sitting there for 3 hours, did open my eyes for lots of things. I did not take a good care of my body, myself, my health. what if, tomorrow, i wake up and find out i couldn't stand or walk anymore? what if Allah took everything He gave me, in order to make me realize, what I have today? ;(

i always say. i wanna be somebody. i believe, a journey to success, wouldn't be easy. work hard, faith, never give up are the main keys. i have been living for 21 years in this world, and my life was easy. No, i mean, there are obstacles. but, others, are much more harder than mine. I was born in a happy family. I got rice to eat. friends from all over Malaysia. a chance to study. a room with air cond. Aqilah. sometimes u were too blind to see how much Allah is giving so much attention to u.

I don't want to compare with those who wayyy luckier than me, since they are millions. and perhaps i would be much more ungrateful. okay, the thing is I was wondering. will I manage to be on the top, someday? how? i just can't see the road, yet. but honestly, i can feel it. i know, it means something. hope so.

21 - it's kinda late for me. clock is ticking. and i'm still thinking.

Pork and Fennel Ragu

    
There is a wild boar running around my head.  The wiry haired kind, with sharp tusks, running along forest paths through the underbrush.  Although, really, it's a pig, the Spanish kind that snuffles up acorns, or digs through the ground to find truffles.  That pig, snorting, rooting, is really browning, braising and simmering.  It's not in my mind, it is in my stomach.  For with the cooler, crisper air of fall, my mind, my heart, my stomach, turns to ragus and all their wild, body-warming goodness.  That is where my soul is, but that really is not quite where my stomach is at the moment.  Food can reflect space, or where you would like to be, or travel to, but it can also reflect time, or the season in which you find yourself.  
   
Fall is perhaps my favorite season.  Golden leaves, crisp air, sweaters, football.  What better time for a wild boar ragu?  Unfortunately, we are not quite there yet.  Here in mid-September, the nights are a little cooler, but the day times temperatures are still warm.  The apples up in the cool-nighted valleys may be ready for picking, but the warm temperatures here keep sentiment for them away.  It is the end of summer, so the peaches and nectarines no longer feel natural.  It is much too soon for my boar ragu, or rabbit, or bolognese.  Even apples, ripening on their trees, are a couple of weeks away for me and where I am.  How to bridge this gap between summer and autumn?  
    
I chose this recipe to reflect time in which I find myself.  It is is a ragu, so it is hinting at things to come.  It has hearty cremini mushrooms, tomato paste, and a red wine base.  It also features fennel, a summer if not spring vegetable, along with lemon for brightness.  The wine I chose is pinot noir.  Yes, a red, but lighter, still fruity.  In this way, I find harmony with my mood, with the season, with my current tastes.  Wild boar, you are still out there, but I will not hunt you tonight.  Serves 2.
    
Ingredients:
1/2 pound penne pasta
1/2 tsp chopped fennel seeds 
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
zest and juice of 1 lemon
2 boneless pork loin chops sliced into 1/4" strips
2 tbsp flour
3 tbsp olive oil
1/2 cup diced shallots
1 small fennel bulb, chopped
3 tbsp chopped fresh parsley
2 tsp tomato paste
4 oz sliced cremini mushrooms
3/4 cup pinot noir wine
    
Directions:
Boil salted water in a medium pot and cook the pasta.  Drain when cooked.  Meanwhile, mix the fennel seeds, salt, pepper and lemon juice.  Add the pork and stir.  Add the flour and toss to coat.  Heat a deep skillet over medium-high heat and warm 2 tbsp of oil.  Brown the pork, in batches if needed, until brown on all sides, approximately 4 minutes.  Transfer the port to a plate and add 1 tbsp of oil to the skillet.  Add the shallots, fennel and 2 tbsp of parsley, reduce the heat, and cook to soften the vegetables, about 3 minutes.  Add the tomato paste, stir, and cook 3 minutes further.  Add the mushrooms, stir to mix, and then add the wine and 1/4 cup of the pasta cooking liquid.  Deglaze and scrape the browned bits off the skillet.  Bring the ragout to a boil, turn down the heat, cover, and simmer for 10 minutes.  Return the pork to the skillet and stir to reheat, about 2 minutes.  Boil down the sauce a little bit if a thicker sauce is desired.  Stir in the pasta and season.  Serve to bowls, topping with the remaining parsley and lemon zest.
    

Slow Down on Thursdays - Simple Pleasures

Gayle over @ A Collection of This And That hosts Simple Pleasures on Thursday "series, to remind me to stop, to look, to listen, to slow down and pay closer attention to the simple things in life. And whenever I do, I'm never disappointed. It might be the sound of a baby's laugh, the gentle splash of a summer rain against the window, or flowers in a jar on the kitchen windowsill."

For me, that feeling is being in the mountains! This past summer we went to Colorado on vacation for two weeks. I loved it! The air, the views the scenery, all perfect to help remind me to slow down and enjoy life! 

Be sure to check out A Collection of This And That by clicking the link below!

Burger King’s new breakfast items

September 16

If you ever wondered what a Burger King would look like if it had a velvet rope in front of it, wonder no longer. Just look to your left.

BK’s corporate folks roped off this franchised location in Midtown Manhattan (34th St., between Seventh and Eighth avenues) to invite the New York City media to try some of the chain’s new breakfast items, which they launched last week.

As you might imagine, New York City food writers can be pretty snotty when it comes to fast food. The last time BK threw a similar shindig, to introduce us to its new batch broiler, one of my fellow writers expressed shock to me that he actually enjoyed his hamburger.

Snotty, but open-minded.

Today one of the guests, who may or may not have been an idiot, declined when a server (oh yes, there are servers at these events, and tablecloths and metal cutlery and actual glasses for water — very classy) asked if she’d like some blueberry biscuits.

One of her table mates pointed out that this was, in fact, a tasting and that she should at the very least taste them.

Yeah, probably she was an idiot.

You can see the best picture I took of the biscuits on the right (note the classy blue tablecloth underneath). Beauty shots from BK can be seen here.

They also gave us a sausage, egg and cheese Croissan'wich®, which I didn't bother to take a picture of because they’ve been around forever.

On the left is a picture of the relatively new breakfast bowl, which corporate chef Jason Sullivan described as being everything you’d want in an omelet, but in a bowl instead.

This one had roasted potatoes, grilled onions and peppers, sausage and cheese, along with eggs that “Chef J,” as the company likes to call him, said were scrambled in-house.

I asked if unit employees were actually cracking eggs and scrambling them, which of course they’re not. He said the pasteurized eggs come in standard pre-cracked foodservice form and are scrambled and cooked usually in a microwave, except at units, like the ones in Mexico, that have a griddle insert that can be put on top of the fryer.

He said they’re not supposed to be held for more than 20 minutes.

We also had pancakes, which I photographed, too, but you already know what pancakes look like, and the new breakfast ciabatta club sandwich.

Chef J said the "smoky tomato sauce" is supposed to remind us of sun-dried tomatoes, and the raw tomatoes and bacon are supposed to remind us of club sandwiches.

I bet you didn’t know chefs at quick service burger chains thought so much about their food, did you?

Everything Changes (but you)

(more here!)

Today I'm taking one of those important decisions, one of those that changes your life forever. And it's so hard, because is not so exiting or great, but I must take it. And I really doubt if I would take the right or wrong option.

But, if I want to follow my dreams, how much I'm willing to sacrifice? Who knows...

The point is that I've got another job offer. At the south. At home. For 4-6 months, but with a huge salary. And here at Barcelona, on Barbie Store... thay said that I could start the 4th of October, but it's not sure (they called me on tuesday and told me that maybe I should wait until November... and God, I don't have any money for living here). So I must ask myself: should I stay, or should I go? If I stay here at Barcelona, someone may lending me some money for the next months... but that means that, when I start to work, I wouldn't save any money until I pay my money debts. So, that's less money for my future plans for Sweden. If I go home, on spring I could move there and find myself in that gorgeous country, as I've always wanted to do since I was a child.

But I've got a boyfriend here at Barcelona, too. And good friends, some of the best I've ever had. And seriously, it's so hard to come back home; yes, only for 6 months maybe... but it's so  hard.

So here's the situation, I jut don't know what to do with myself.

And while I'm thinking, yesterday I went to Madame Chocolat and left some handmade crafts, and went to Lolita Bakery again for a gorgeous cup of coffee and a delicios vanilla & chocolate muffin; and talked about donkeys and the hairstyles we're gonna use when we grow older... and took some outfit pictures, like if we could be heores...

... Just for one day.

Thanks for reading and your lovely comments, these days I'm a little bit confused about me and my future and I really wanna thank you for them. You're simply wonderful.