Gue sedang berduka. Kenapa? Jangan tanya deh. Lagi sakit hatiii banget banget banget.
Enggak ngerti mesti gimana sama kenyataan yang gue saksikan sendiri. berat dan marah!
Kenapa sih, ada aja yang enggak tahu kenapa terjadi diantara gue dan dia. Ini udah keterlaluan menurut gue! Enggak fair, why you say nothing??
GUE MARAAAAH semarah marahnya. Kesel. Sedih. Pusing. SHOCK.
Sebenernya ini semua kenapa?? apa sih yang bikin lo begini?? say to me!!
Please, it's so hard! so hard to forget. coz i can't to understand, what happened between us?
Okay, percuma gue marah tanpa penjelasan. Kenapa gue mau bercerita? karena ini obat buat gue!
OBAT. iyeeeks.
Sekitar akhir maret 2009, gue dan temang angkatan gue LTR/LZR 10 pergi study tour ke jogja selama 4 hari 3 malam (termasuk perjalanan). Nice trip! I love jogja anyway. Setelah pulang, enggak tahu kenapa, sahabat gue enggak ada kabarnya. Ini aneh. Biasanya dia sms, wall, apapun itu. Tau tau, pas online chat entah fb, msn, ataupun yahoo. Selama 3 hari dia enggak bales sm sekali. Gue bingung banget.
Senin pun tiba, gue masuk sekolah. dan seperti biasa dateng aga mepet. Upacara, anak-anak udah di lapangan, dia juga udah (sahabat gue.red). Gue nyapa dia, as usual, tapi dia tiba-tiba ngejauh dan diam. ANEH! gue bingung makin bingung banget.
Dari situ gue diem-dieman. Apalagi kondisinya saat itu gue lagi sakit. Gue enggak ngerti. Gue sms dia, dan enggak dibales, chat juga gitu. Wall di fb, message, semua deh, sama aja! i've got nothing.
Gue coba nyamperin dia pulang sekolah, karena gue sama dia beda kelas, dan dia ngehindar. Bahkan dia enggak mau ngeliat mata gue. Enggak mau ngomong, Sampe gue main tarik-tarikan, tapi percuma, dia tetep diam.
Sehari dua hari seminggu sebulan dan sekarang udah masuk bulan ketiga dengan situasi "perang dingiin" ini. Enggak ada hasil yang memuaskan. Gue udah coba nyamperin (lagi), nelfon, dan semua hal yang bisa dilakuin, tapi nihil. Gue udah minta maaf, meskipun gue masih belum tahu salah gue apa, dan dia enggak sekalipun bilang iya. Bahkan ngasih alasanpun enggak.
Banyak yang nanya, "Ket, lo sama si **** kenapa?" gue cuma bisa mengangkat bahu dan bilang enggak tahu. yang lain cuma bisa memasang tampang makin bingung, kok enggak tahu? "Ket, lo berantem sama si ****?" ada lagi yang bertanya, gue cuma bisa bilang "enggak ngerti deh gue", gue aja enggak ngerti apalagi orang lain!
gue udah nyoba minta bantuan temen gue, dan enggak ngebantu apapun hasilnya, sahabat gue (masih?) cuma bilang "enggak ada apa-apa". Selama ini gue sama dia deket banget. Gue sering banget nyangkut dirumahnya pulang sekolah, gue nangis ke dia, gue cerita ketawa-ketawa sama dia. Dia sahabat yang berarti banget buat gue. Gue selama ini berhasil dengan dukungan dia. Dan gue enggak ngerti dia kenapa sampai kaya gini?
Gue enggak tahan, gue cerita sama seorang temen gue di kelas, bahkan gue samapi nangis karena enggak tahan kayak gini. SAHABAT itu penting banget buat gue. Enggak semua temen deket itu sahabat buat gue. Gue nangis bahkan depan sahabat gue juga, tapi dia enggak lihat atau pura-pura enggak lihat. Enggak ngerti deh.
Gimanapun dia sahabat yang pernah gue miliki dan gue ngerasa dia yang paling deket sama gue. Tapi entah apapun alasan itu, gue cuma enggak pernah berharap akan separah ini. Kondisinya bentar lagi dia ulang tahun, bulan depan. Bisa apa gue?
Yang sebenernya bikin gue marah saat ini adalah, ketika gue tau dia ngeremove gue dari fb-nya. Aneh! Baru 3 bulan kemudian dia ngeremove! Tapi gue enggak rela. gue cuma mau ini berlaku kalau gue udah dapet penjelasan.
Heran yaa, gue kayak ngemis-ngemis gitu. Ini bener-bener bukan gue banget! Sayangnya gue enggak pernah rela kehilangan apapun yg ada dalam hidup gue. Gue cuma mau persahabatan gue balik. Gue mau dia cerita-cerita lagi. Gue enggak mau dia ngerasain apa yang pernah bikin dia nangis lagi. tapi ini enggak semudah jalan cerita di dongeng. Semakind ewasa semakin rumit.
Semoga ada jalan untuk semua ini, suatu saat nanti.
I just want my friendship back, my best friend back!
hmmm. entahlah.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
a year ago, silent.
11:59pm
it's a minute left before 12am, 18th june 2009.
and i'm writing this.
it's a minute left before 12am, 18th june 2009.
and i'm writing this.
a year ago. 17th june 2008.
there was a girl, standing alone at mid valley. waiting for her sunshine.
perhaps, for the last time. it's time for her, to walkaway.
there, she met him to say goodbye. the sweetest goodbye.
she sat on a chair in front of a few shops at the highest floor.
and there he goes... he came, he walked and smiled slightly.
he knows, it's the end. but, the end is the beginning of the new part.
they sat beside each other. silent... and she talked properly.
asking bout the girl she's curious about. and carefully, the boy gave his answered.
again, both silent.
she didn't know how to talk anymore. how to tell. how to say.
it's the hardest part. yes it was. to let the person her loves the most go.
she wrote a long SMS, and sent it to him. he. still besides her,
holding his HP & read all the SMS(s). he looked down. and said...
"i let u go, if that's ur decision. i don't want u to change ur mind because of me."
silent. she looked into his eyes, and smiled. tried to contol her tears.
and she still remember, seeing he's hiding his red eyes. perhaps, it's hard 4 him too.
she's wondering... "does he, ever, loved me with all his heart, once?"
the love relationship ends there, but that's only the beginning. of everything.
then they walked together, act like there's nothing happened. back to what they were b4.
friends. that's what they used to be. and that's what they are now.
they shopped together, and had their last lunch together. laughed as they usually did.
and, say goodbye for the last time for 2008. it's hard, but it's ok.
she's mentally prepared for that. the boy? he's just fine.
2 months later, august 2008. the boy called. and told her he's leaving.
finally. he got what he wanted. he got an offer to go to indonesia. medic.
she's happy for him, as she's happy for all of her friends. and, he left.
and she's thinking... "was everything mend to be?
i let him go, and now he's leaving far from me"
why were they letting go of each other?
"friends is da best solution for now"
"he's not totally ready yet"
"maybe...that's the best for now"
last march, he came back to his hometown. for a short holiday.
he didn't told her the exact date.
and, she doesn't asked much. but just wait for him to come back.
and suddenly, he's besides her in a cinema, offering her some pop corns.
that's the biggest surprised ever for her. she smiled the whole day. yes.
she was so happy. and, they met each other again, a day before he left.
now... still they're friends. what's next? we'll see later. =]
and, right here, right now, she is... waiting for him to come back.
to see him again. and, friendship, that's the best for now.
and yet, she's wondering...
does he ever loved her, once, or does he, still ?
and ... what is this? this kinda of feeling.
she left with no answer.
Eating New York: Bagels in the Park (+recipe)
Sundays need barely a few elements to combine in simple cohesion in order to create delicious perfection.
Gone are the days when it signalled ‘weekend over, back to school tomorrow. Time to knuckle down and finish that essay you were set a fortnight ago.’
Now, Sunday is the most sacrosanct day of the week, although not through any religious conviction. It’s a day when it is equally acceptable to do nothing under the proviso of doing something or vice versa.
And it is near effortless to craft these idyllic days thanks to the fluidity of the composite elements. The first drink could be a cool glass of orange juice, a steaming black coffee, a bloody mary or even a pint of water complete with an energetically fizzy 1000mg vitamin C tablet, depending on the previous night’s excesses.
Breakfast might be a bacon sandwich, softly scrambled eggs or even a bowl of Bircher muesli.
For activity sometimes a walk will suffice, or a run if energy levels permit. Other weekends might present gardening opportunities or lazy afternoons in the pub.
Food rolls in and out of Sundays too, paying little regard to any rules or regulations. Barbecues, slow cooked braises or Sunday roasts are all equally welcome. Cake, too, can be an excellent addition.
But there is one unwavering rule: there must be a newspaper. At least one.
Even though we were a few thousand miles from home, we obeyed this single commandment with near military precision. And everyone knows that newspapers are at their best when enjoyed over breakfast.
It was warm, despite the early hour. We ambled towards the port, through Hell’s Kitchen, in search of H&H Bagels, a baker's that appears to have a near legendary reputation. On the way we met a parade of street hawkers trudging their carts through the early morning sun towards their pitches where they would spend the next 12 hours selling hot dogs, kebabs and other assorted snacks to hungry passers-by.
The bakery itself is an unassuming, industrial looking building. Fridges filled with juice, iced tea, butter and cream cheese line one wall and in front is a counter topped with a Plexiglas cabinet crammed full of bagels.
We picked out some cream cheese, a carton of Tropicana and ordered three at the counter.
On the way to Central Park we picked up a copy of the New York Times, weighty with its supplements, and two large iced coffees. Once there we ambled gently towards the centre, picked out a quiet, shaded spot and proceeded to consume what was in front of us.
Two hours later, full of dough, cream cheese and media, we picked ourselves up, dusted ourselves down and allowed the remainder of the weekend to carry us along. Sunday, brilliant Sunday.
Bagels: The recipe
Before I even took my first bite of a genuine New York bagel, my girlfriend said to me: ‘This will ruin all future bagels for you, you know? I hope you’re prepared for that.’
She was right. To a certain extent.
Soon after we got back, I bought a stack from the supermarket. Lacking the firm chewiness of those we’d had in Central Park a few days earlier, they were thin, floppy and light with a processed taste and texture. The Paris Hilton of the bread world.
What I wanted was something with more resistance, more pull. And a more flavour.
Searching for recipes I came across two that appeared to tick the necessary boxes: this one via Slate (no eggs) and another from Shaun Hill (two eggs), he of Merchant House fame. Gaining confidence in my baking abilities, I chose to combine the two and split the difference hoping it would create some sort of super-bagel.
It did. I can safely say, without any degree or hyperbole, that these are the best bagels I’ve ever tasted. Ever.
Makes 10 generously sized bagels.
500g + 50-100g white bread flour
two teaspoons of dried yeast
one teaspoon of salt
50g caster sugar
two eggs (one for the mixture and one for glazing)
450ml of warm water
For the water bath:
3 litres of water
2 tablespoons of sugar
Whatever toppings your little heart desires
Mix together 500g of flour, the yeast, the salt and 50g of sugar in a large mixing bowl, preferably one you can clip into a mixer with a dough hook, unless you want to knead a sticky dough.
Pour in the water and stir until it is worked in. Add the egg. Add a further 50g of flour and start the mixer on a low speed. Let it run for five minutes then check the consistency of the dough. If it looks too sticky then add a little more flour until it just combines into a workable dough.
Knead for a further 5-10 minutes (NB here is where my Kenwood made a loud ‘snap’ noise and started farting a nasty grey smoke from its rear end. Cue panic tinged with excitement at the prospect of having to use the mini fire extinguisher for the first time).
Once the dough is ready, transfer it to an oiled bowl, cover and leave for an hour or so to prove and double in size.
Use this time wisely. Perhaps call your Grandma, draw a pretty picture or tweak your CV.
After the well-used sixty minutes, turn out the dough onto a floured surface (it’s another sticky one) and knock out the air, sprinkling flour over where necessary. Cut the dough into ten to twelve equal sized pieces and shape each one into a vague round shape. Leave for another ten minutes.
Flatten each one with the palm of your hand then poke a finger, it doesn’t matter which – I used my index finger, into the middle of each roll thus creating a bagel. Wiggle it around a little and neaten up the shape. Leave for another ten minutes. Yawn.
Meanwhile, bring a large pan full of water to the boil. Add the sugar and turn down the heat to a gentle simmer. Boil the bagels two or three at a time for about a minute. Flip them after half that time so they cook evenly on each side.
Lift them out and put them onto a waiting towel to dry off. Transfer to a tray, brush with beaten egg and cook for 15 minutes at 200 degrees C, or until they are golden brown and delicious looking.
Eat as soon as you can handle one without doing a little dance and going ‘ooo, ah, shit, that hurts’.
For more refined floury treats, follow me on twitter.
Gone are the days when it signalled ‘weekend over, back to school tomorrow. Time to knuckle down and finish that essay you were set a fortnight ago.’
Now, Sunday is the most sacrosanct day of the week, although not through any religious conviction. It’s a day when it is equally acceptable to do nothing under the proviso of doing something or vice versa.
And it is near effortless to craft these idyllic days thanks to the fluidity of the composite elements. The first drink could be a cool glass of orange juice, a steaming black coffee, a bloody mary or even a pint of water complete with an energetically fizzy 1000mg vitamin C tablet, depending on the previous night’s excesses.
Breakfast might be a bacon sandwich, softly scrambled eggs or even a bowl of Bircher muesli.
For activity sometimes a walk will suffice, or a run if energy levels permit. Other weekends might present gardening opportunities or lazy afternoons in the pub.
Food rolls in and out of Sundays too, paying little regard to any rules or regulations. Barbecues, slow cooked braises or Sunday roasts are all equally welcome. Cake, too, can be an excellent addition.
But there is one unwavering rule: there must be a newspaper. At least one.
Even though we were a few thousand miles from home, we obeyed this single commandment with near military precision. And everyone knows that newspapers are at their best when enjoyed over breakfast.
It was warm, despite the early hour. We ambled towards the port, through Hell’s Kitchen, in search of H&H Bagels, a baker's that appears to have a near legendary reputation. On the way we met a parade of street hawkers trudging their carts through the early morning sun towards their pitches where they would spend the next 12 hours selling hot dogs, kebabs and other assorted snacks to hungry passers-by.
The bakery itself is an unassuming, industrial looking building. Fridges filled with juice, iced tea, butter and cream cheese line one wall and in front is a counter topped with a Plexiglas cabinet crammed full of bagels.
We picked out some cream cheese, a carton of Tropicana and ordered three at the counter.
On the way to Central Park we picked up a copy of the New York Times, weighty with its supplements, and two large iced coffees. Once there we ambled gently towards the centre, picked out a quiet, shaded spot and proceeded to consume what was in front of us.
Two hours later, full of dough, cream cheese and media, we picked ourselves up, dusted ourselves down and allowed the remainder of the weekend to carry us along. Sunday, brilliant Sunday.
Bagels: The recipe
Before I even took my first bite of a genuine New York bagel, my girlfriend said to me: ‘This will ruin all future bagels for you, you know? I hope you’re prepared for that.’
She was right. To a certain extent.
Soon after we got back, I bought a stack from the supermarket. Lacking the firm chewiness of those we’d had in Central Park a few days earlier, they were thin, floppy and light with a processed taste and texture. The Paris Hilton of the bread world.
What I wanted was something with more resistance, more pull. And a more flavour.
Searching for recipes I came across two that appeared to tick the necessary boxes: this one via Slate (no eggs) and another from Shaun Hill (two eggs), he of Merchant House fame. Gaining confidence in my baking abilities, I chose to combine the two and split the difference hoping it would create some sort of super-bagel.
It did. I can safely say, without any degree or hyperbole, that these are the best bagels I’ve ever tasted. Ever.
Makes 10 generously sized bagels.
500g + 50-100g white bread flour
two teaspoons of dried yeast
one teaspoon of salt
50g caster sugar
two eggs (one for the mixture and one for glazing)
450ml of warm water
For the water bath:
3 litres of water
2 tablespoons of sugar
Whatever toppings your little heart desires
Mix together 500g of flour, the yeast, the salt and 50g of sugar in a large mixing bowl, preferably one you can clip into a mixer with a dough hook, unless you want to knead a sticky dough.
Pour in the water and stir until it is worked in. Add the egg. Add a further 50g of flour and start the mixer on a low speed. Let it run for five minutes then check the consistency of the dough. If it looks too sticky then add a little more flour until it just combines into a workable dough.
Knead for a further 5-10 minutes (NB here is where my Kenwood made a loud ‘snap’ noise and started farting a nasty grey smoke from its rear end. Cue panic tinged with excitement at the prospect of having to use the mini fire extinguisher for the first time).
Once the dough is ready, transfer it to an oiled bowl, cover and leave for an hour or so to prove and double in size.
Use this time wisely. Perhaps call your Grandma, draw a pretty picture or tweak your CV.
After the well-used sixty minutes, turn out the dough onto a floured surface (it’s another sticky one) and knock out the air, sprinkling flour over where necessary. Cut the dough into ten to twelve equal sized pieces and shape each one into a vague round shape. Leave for another ten minutes.
Flatten each one with the palm of your hand then poke a finger, it doesn’t matter which – I used my index finger, into the middle of each roll thus creating a bagel. Wiggle it around a little and neaten up the shape. Leave for another ten minutes. Yawn.
Meanwhile, bring a large pan full of water to the boil. Add the sugar and turn down the heat to a gentle simmer. Boil the bagels two or three at a time for about a minute. Flip them after half that time so they cook evenly on each side.
Lift them out and put them onto a waiting towel to dry off. Transfer to a tray, brush with beaten egg and cook for 15 minutes at 200 degrees C, or until they are golden brown and delicious looking.
Eat as soon as you can handle one without doing a little dance and going ‘ooo, ah, shit, that hurts’.
For more refined floury treats, follow me on twitter.
Breakfast of Champions
Oatmeal is kind of an anomaly for me. There are few dishes out there that sit in my "comfort foods" category that does not require an obscene amount of butter, cream, cheese or sugar. But oatmeal...oatmeal! It's good for you*, AND delicious. So delicious, in fact that almost every time I take my first bite I think "oh god, I forgot how good this is!".
I know. You think I'm crazy, because oatmeal is that gross, gruel-like slop that you ate as a kid with too much sugar and no texture at all. But that's not oatmeal. It doesn't even come close. Real oatmeal is creamy and full of texture and yummy. Plus it's oh-so versatile because you can add whatever you like to it. And you can still make it in the microwave (I usually make it at work).
*I do realize that the whole "good for you" thing can depend on what you put IN your oatmeal. I could probably not use the half-and-half, and maybe do with less sugar. But you know what? It's probably still better for me than a bagel loaded with cream cheese so I'm not gonna worry about it.
Jess' Breakfast like, 60% of the time
1/3 cup rolled oats
2/3 cup water
1 heaping tsp brown sugar
splash of vanilla
pinch of salt
dried cranberries
almond slices
cinnamon
1. Combine all ingredients together (unless you're taking it to work..then put everything except the water in a container or ziploc bag and continue when you get to the office) in a large-ish, microwave-save bowl. You want to make sure it's big enough so that you don't have to keep stopping it so that the oatmeal doesn't spill over (I use the IKEA 365 bowls)
2. Microwave on high for 3 or 4 minutes, depending on how strong your microwave is and how you like your oatmeal. You can stop and check at some point along the way and check.
3. Let sit for a couple of minutes (it's going to be way too hot for you to eat right away anyway)
4. Add a splash of milk, cream or half-and-half (my preference) if you'd like and enjoy!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
