Thursday, July 7, 2011

Depression (How it's start)

Stress build up until whatever you wanna do is to block any light from entering your sight. If you are in a well lighted area, you would resort to putting a pillow, blanket or your hands over your eyes to block the light. Just keeping your lits shut would not be enough.

Then come the surge of self-helplessness. You feel so low in moral and your brain keep on condemning how terrible person you are. Whatever negative feeling you've felt before, would form an association and attack your innerself. Then you resort to locking your lips tight to hold down this emotion before it lash out and hurt everything around you. While keeping your lips tight, you are begging for help. Any sign of love and affection to sooth your soul so all rages would cool off, and you can calm down until you can open up your mouth again to speak.

Usually people wouldn't understand. They would force you to speak up. Because of the force that was put on you, the negative emotion would grow stronger. Whatever they said would sound like a criticism that feed your negative emotion like a hungry beast. Out of control, you started to plan ways to hurt yourself, so the physical pain would ease out the emotional burden. while you are calculating and rationalizing your action, you become more and more desperate.

This is when you do stupid things to hurt yourself or the weakness would take over your body. Your brain shutdown and all of your energy fade away from you. Every bones in your body is aching, every muscles weaken and as you know it, you found yourself lying on the floor, praying for the help to come.

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