New Frontiers and Stress

What, we're drunk(ish)...(what's new, really) we have most of a post done...but we haven't all been able to weigh about how we all feel about The Boyfriend (@mr_jmm/James) becoming our live-in boyfriend. We haven't done this is in over a year...we figured we would never again live with anyone but us, considering all the changes in the last year, our being public with our mental illness, and accepting it, wanting a life as us, destroying The Other Girl, and writing about our life so we can survive (seriously, without this blog...we'd be dead...you don't even know).

He's moving from the UK you know, on Tuesday evening he'll be here...it's a little stressful. We've always been the one to move for someone else, to bend for others...but...other than the logical ways that it can go wrong...what can go wrong? Yeah, everything. Our willingness to try, some mutual love, and ...well...it's gonna work, right? We want to be positive, but...it's hard.

Stress. It's pretty much the theme of the the last 9 months, if not year (yeah, year). We're moving in November, James and us, to live with The Mother...and then there is new stress...but we have to move, we have no choice at this point.

We hope to sleep for days once we unpack and crash in her (The Mothers) basement...again. We know it's a pipe dream to think we can sleep for more than 8 hours...even that is an achievement.

People don't get how much of a failure it makes us feel to be back, pretty much at square one, over 8 years later...moving back in with her, towing a boyfriend behind...again...especially now that we are 32...almost an inverse number from when we last had to do this.

Mental illness is not easy...and we never want the "easy way out"...but we also need a break again...the back pain, the mental struggles...the last year and a half -to- two years...two years...have just been too much. Too much. TOO MUCH.

*sigh*

We hope tomorrow we can all work together to finish the post we have been trying to complete for weeks...but we can't make any promises about that. We just know, that despite the stress, the changes...by 2012...it'll be a completely different and new frontier for us all...James, and us...and we are thankful we have been able to write for almost the last year...because when a lot happens in our life, a lot also gets lost, it's hard for us to sort it our; and we are lost enough most of the time.

~Ivy

Stress And Food...And Weight Obsession

Just a quick post today, soon we're going to work on an entry about nutrition and weight loss. We studied it for about a year and a half at University before we headed to culinary school (only part of that we've written about so far), and after we'd lost 100 pounds on a diet and one of us became very interested in food, nutrition and balanced diet.

We've written in the past 9 months about issues we have with food, we got really thin for awhile, and it was a problem...but now we're getting back to a healthy weight...and it's a problem again.

Part of the stress of last night; which Cassandra wrote about on Tumblr...but only a bit, and not about all the issues she was having, more about the ones we were having; is that we're struggling over food with each other again. It's been going on since James was here visiting (we put a few pound onto our 6' stature), and now a lot since we have a new job where we work around massive, massive, amounts of food.

"I just want to eat" she whimpered and cried to James last night, who usually spends all of our home time with us logged into Gmail Video Chat. "I want a pizza. They won't let me." She put her hands over our face, sobbing.

While Cass and Catherine we're prominent last night, and Catherine's favorite food is pizza, she's a finicky eater, preferring not to eat when she is stressed out, which is the opposite of Cassandra, who is a little cow when it comes to food when she is sad/depressed/stressed...and even when she's not those things, she loves to eat. Catherine wouldn't let her eat...Sam wouldn't let her eat. There were many at work last night, as Catherine wrote, we were switching too much and our head was in agony. James saw us to bed via video chat and read us a story till we fell asleep. He really is the most wonderful boyfriend, no matter how much Brooke protests and hates him.

It's always more difficult when there are too many of us around. Back in the day (only a couple of months ago) when we would go to the grocery store, in between Tweeting and dancing, you would have see a tall young woman (looking much younger than her actual age) walking down aisles, staring wishfully, wide-eyed, at all the food. Sometimes in the grocery line she would want a candy bar, and Others wouldn't let her have it, and she would struggle with keeping her tears in until we left the store, begging to us silently, and sometimes she didn't make it out of the store before tears would stream down our face; and that's another reasons we wear sunglasses as much as we can.

Sounds childish, but she's only 14...and an emotional and sad one at times...

So, we're having struggles...we don't know what to do.

If you think seeking professional help is the answer then we won't agree unless you can tell us exactly how they might help; we're not giving each other us, we just want to learn to work together better. Like we told The Father last weekend on Skype, we need more than a year, preferable a year uninterrupted by stupid sexual affairs, getting fired and scrambling to find a new job, problems with the property we own, and all the other stuff that has been going on this past year with people in our past life, from The Others Girls life. It's only been a year since we had to deal with an ex, Significant Other...who we are still in need of writing about...who harassed us when we ended the relationship with him last September.

How far we've come, is far...how far we have to go is further...and with all the new stress, maybe having to move, but then, maybe not (still waiting to know), meaning selling the house and moving back in with the mother...we're just looking down the road, to some time to relax and not be looking for a job for awhile, and spending time with the man who is much too kind for us...we need a vacation...from our life...we need to get to our adventure.

~Frank et al (almost all of the et al these days, again...it so much easier with only 3 of 9)