We're in limbo.
Our boss today told us that they (Human Resources) are trying to push some paperwork through (this is in regard to Fridays post, about having to leave our job, and therefore move)...some short form or something that they had used for another "immigrant worker"...he said in a week and a half, to two weeks, they will know for sure if it's been approved; but we're not feeling optimistic about it, for a variety of reason. They are trying to keep us on at work...should it be approved we are faced with a decision.
We hate decisions. We fight about decisions...we all have a different idea and outlook.
Do we stay, or do we go?
There are many options...and we've come to peace with the idea that we have to leave, and we have someone looking at the property we own, on Saturday, who is interested in purchasing it. We have made a list, talked to James...we have set in motion the plans for leaving (which, if you know us, is a great deal of work even up to this point).
Do we stay?
If we stay we will keep this job, a job that is killing our back (we have major back problems from a car accident) and we haven't been there an entire month (the pain...is like someone is setting our back and neck on fire all through the day...it hasn't been this bad since March or so)...and in addition, given our job history...it won't be long until we can't contain Us at work. Yesterday we already started to visibly front (that's a DID term), things were awkward. Things have gotten even more awkward feeling as the days go by, and it's been only a month or so.
We are good at what we do though, and the people we work for can see this, it's why they pushed the paperwork through anyway, even though we are on a three month probation, as anyone hired there is...we know that they wouldn't go through the trouble if they didn't have faith in abilities.
Do we go?
We are pretty excited about traveling around the United States, and introducing our boyfriend to America. We want to write, to paint, and work our way across the country, and we have the means to do it, if the house sells; we also want to work in restaurants around the country.
It would be nice to live in the United States again, where things are affordable...and we can visit family. The Grandmother is ill, and senile...we'd like to be in the same country when it comes time to say goodbye...we never really got to say goodbye to The Grandfather (more to be written about that when the time comes).
We have many reasons for going, just as we have many reasons for staying.
Faced with this week and a half wait, we don't know if we should continue carrying on with our plans of moving from here in November, or if we should stay put.
What does our gut instinct say?
We have too many opinions, too many gut instincts. Staying would be the easy option...but we're not familiar with easy. Life is short. We've almost died once (the car accident), we've been through terrible experiences (our entire life)...to say what could go wrong would incite possibilities, but we feel like we should ask "what could go right?" (...that positive little bitch in us who wants to paint the world...). We don't know what to do.
So, we're in limbo. We won't know exactly how to feel until the final letter from the government of the country where we are currently living comes in. If it's denied we only have once choice, if for some miraculous reason it is approved then we have choices. We're uncomfortable with that.
Do we stay, or do we go?
~Frank et al