bercakap dengan abah mampu buat aku tenang

this evening. i cried in my room, about an hour ago. i took my phone & search for 'aabah'

"abah dkt mane?"

A: abah baru sampai parking rumah. kenape?

"abah naik masuk bilik qilah"

A: okay.

honestly, i cried for nothing. absolutely nothing. i heard ppl say, "sometimes, we need some space alone" but, let me tell you something, "sometimes, i need some time to cry alone' ;P

A: eh... kenape menangis?

"......."

A: sedih risau ape?

"qla menangis x semestinya sedey risau. marah pun nangis"

A: marah sape hari ni?

"tak de sape..."

A: habis tu kenape ni?

"abah... pernah tak rase, hidup abah ok, sempurna, i mean u got fmly, career, friends. but it wasn't good enough. there is something missing. and it's like... u r nothing, with everything u got"

A: pernah. tp... cuba pandang ke bawah, dr pandang ke atas. maksud abah, pandang org yg lebih susah. bkn lebih senang. bersyukur & berpegang dgn apa yg kta ada hari ni. mmg dlm hidup kita, kita tak akan pernah dpt semua yg kta nak. tak akan pernah. tp... ingt apa yg boleh menaikkan semangat kita utk lebih berusaha.

"tapi... abah tak pernah ke rasa, mcm semua org ada itu, ada ini. tp abah mcm tak ada apa-apa. mmg abah ada semuanya, mcm qla ckp td, tp mcm...ada lg bnda yg kurang. macam abah ni menyusahkan semua org keliling abah & mcm tak tahu da apa tujuan sebenar abah hidup"

A: abah tahu cita-cita qila tnggi. nak pakai kereta itu ini. memang kene kerja keraslah nak sampai ke tahap tu. lagi satu, org yg jaga solat, nampak air muka dia lain. rezeki dia tu berkat. macam datuk Z, (bkn nama sebenar), dari 1 star, dia naik 2 star. gaji dia naik mendadak. sampai dia tak tahu nak buat apa dgn duit dia. sbb benda halal ni mahal mana sgt? benda haram yg mahal. tgk air muka dia, perasan tak? keruh je. tp, Allah berikan rezeki tu utk dia jgk.

silent. i was thinking... why did Allah awarded him (Datuk Z) with such a lot of wonderful things, (well, i knew him in-person, very well) when he don't even know how to be thankful to Allah?

i listened to abah, quietly. thousands of thoughts flying through out my mind. and, for now, let's look at the day, in a positive way. and why did i say i need to cry alone, some other time? -- it reminds me of who am i, who are we, life, and back to the one & only -- Allah.