i am me

i feel like writing.
but then. i don't know where to start.
haih~ i guess it's been a while since i last wrote bout my feeling.
my heart. my situation. my life. my mind. my soul.
i don't want to. i try to avoid it. try to hide it.
from everyone. dont wanna be such a troublemaker.
don't wanna be such a spoil brat.

I'm only 19. yeshhh... i know. I'm still young.
i mean. too young. right? too young to be too serious.
too young to think bout my future.
too young to fall in love. owh gosh...
just can't escape from being in this circle of life!
can't stop of thinking of love. of course.
i'm not a girl. and not yet a woman. but, i'm a FEMALE ppl!
it's all about life, and emotion. love. or maybe.
perhaps. it just my weakness.

sometimes. i do feel like i'm losing myself.
wanna run away, far awayyy from everything.
but still. i just wanna b strong. and face everything.
on my own. and be better and better.
not to be worse and worse. even sometimes.
i just wanna turn to be a bad girl.
yup. good girl gone bad~~~ but then. still. i stop.
and stare. and think again. i'm not that stupid.
dear god. save me. dont wanna be that idiot.

hey ppl. dont missunderstood me. i know i'm lucky enough.
it's not like i'm unhappy. and, i'm not crazy.
i'm just a lil bit unwell. hell yeah... need a...haih~
dont know larh! perhaps. i just need a lil spirit.
i'm so damn happy with my life. it's not that bad.
seriously. my life, it's not that complicated.
to be compared with all those ppl.
who is a lot way unlucky than me. should b glad aite?
yes i am. just. sometimes. i can't handle it.

owh yar. now i realize it's complicated.
there's a lot more unanswered questions in my mind.
just, i can't write it on anymore.
i don't know how to explain it. how to decribe it.
but i'm so proud that. i'm still me.
i'm nowhere near perfect but. still. i am me.
perhaps. i'm better. and stronger.
well ppl. we have to be. rite? =]

okay larh.
chaw cin chaw~