The Biggest Loser

The "Loser"

The "Winner"

The Jackpot

In our recent quest to eat more dark green leafy veggies, I decided to try out 

uber-healthy 

collard greens. 

Every recipe I found recommended cooking these greens with a ham hock to flavor the dish. Ham Hock? 

Oooh. 

That sounds quite sophisticated.

Healthy and sophisticated.  

The wheels were turning.

At the meat counter of Whole Foods, I put on my most professional looking visage as I casually requested 

" ahem...one ham hock, please".   

"Yes, ma'am, 

 "Would you like that hock smoked?"  

After what might have been detected as 

a brief drop in my sure-fired countenance,

 I replied, 

"of course...smoked". 

Well? Smoked sounds tasty.  

That felt satisfying.  

Now, off to the delectable lush produce section of Whole Foods in search of 

dark green leafy finds.  

I felt  like pounds were melting all over the floor of the store as I hoisted the bundle of incredibly earthy-looking collard greens into my basket 

(no plastic bag, of course).  

Geez. Collard greens are huge.   

I walked extra slow around Whole Foods 

just in case people 

wanted to oogle at the veritable garden of vitamin packed goods in my cart.  

Come to think of it, 

I should have worn work out clothes on this day to complete the act.

I mean...

outing.  

Nope.  Scratch that.  

That attire might have tarnished the believability of my basket contents upon closer inspection of the 

"pusher of the basket".   

Fast forward.

Hours later. 

A heaping platter of collard greens 

(a la flaveur de hock de ham) 

greeted my awaiting family.  They are increasingly getting quite euphoric awaiting the arrival of my latest exploits in the kitchen.  

I knew the accolades were going to be questionable with this dish, but it was the required dark - green - and leafy "must-do" for healthiness.  

I warned them. 

Pffft.  

Sooooo...

Some seriously sorry looking signs of shock winced back at me from my adoring brood.  Let me reminisce about some of the conversational comments that ensued.  

"Disgusting", 

"Ew", 

"Yuck", 

and 

"Are we eating grass?"  

Hmmmm....in all honesty,  

it was really bad.  

I definitely humbled myself that night.  Something went wrong-o in the kitchen-o.  

Back to the dark green leafy drawing board of selections.  

Two good things came out of this latest health attempt.  

The ham on the hock was quite delicious. In fact, there was such an ample supply of smoked meat that we diced it up and put it in a lentil stew. 

 A hit.  A real healthy hit 

(meaning the lentil stew, not the ham).  

The grand prize winner,however...

the jackpot of all jackpot recipients, however,

was our 4-legged family member.

who

 got the ham hock bone.  

Was I a winner in this little guy's eyes 

or what?  

Woah.  

He has carried that bone around for 3 days now.  In fact, he is curled up right now next to me all snuggled up with that darn bone.  

Awww. Cook's best friend. 

I have hope 

that with this recent disappointing delivery to the dinner table, 

watching my family's faces slowly droop, 

one after the other, 

that I can rise again to bring sounds culinary delight back to the fold.  

It might take a dessert strategy.  

Should I?  

Remember the chocolate souffle Riley suggested?