just go with the flow

i guess it's been a while since i last wrote bout my private thingy~ etc love life. fmly. friends. n so on. i mean, if i did, i did it in a very general way. okay. i dont really want to write bout this but then, nak jgk!!! ske hati la. x ske xyah sebok ambik taw! haha. 2day, things get a lil bit complicated. i dunno. should i say i'm happy, sad or just okay. but i'm okay rite now. since it's already PAST. can do nothing bout it. have to be strong. oh yes i am. getting better n stronger since 18th feb 2009. almost a month eh? haha. i did it well!!! clap 4 myself! wheee~~~ as u ppl know, i'm 20 this year. but i admit, i did a lot of stupid things in life. if i could turn back time, of course i'll change a lot of things. but then, cam x best plak kalo life terlampau perfect dgn ape yg kte nak kan? hurm. as i live in this world 4 20 years. i admit i met a lottttt of guys. no no. a lottt of jantan n a few guys. they come n go. thats life. and there's 3 persons, that i love the most n i'll never 4get them.

these 3 guys dont have any blog.
but i know, they read my blog some times!!!
waaaaaa. dont read this guys.
sy malu kucing kalau kalian membacenyeee~~~ =}

my 1st love - kenangan terindah [KT]
my last ex, - bintang hati [BH]
my TTM, tmn tp mesra - cinta dlm hati [CDM]

owh kenangan terindah, KT. others might say, they met their 1st love by the age of 20 n above. okay, i met my 1st love by the age of 14. young huh? ya ya. i know. 2 little 2 fall in love with the right guy. but it's true. thats my destiny. i just wanna tell a lil bit bout him hear. since i guess i've to write a special post bout him, later. haha. he's the greatest guy i've ever met. he's 2 good 2 b true. he's thinner than me. yerrr. sy slalu complain bile sy dgn die. sy ckp sy malu sbb sy gemuk dr die n so on. he's so small!!! nasib baik die tnggi skit dr sy taw. but u know. die x pernah kesah pon sume tuh. x pernah pon sruh sy diet ke ape! he's so damn nice!!! owhhh. we were both 14 and we broke up when we were 17. almost 3 years. y we broke up? x de jodoh kot. at 1st i'm the one yg mintak break. i've my own acceptable reason. we're still good until he met his new gf, N. he broke up with N last year. then he met B. n he's still with B til now. i met B once. n i can c, she lovessss him so much! i'm glad 2 c that. eheh. okay2. da pnjng lebar plak. just wanna mention here, he's my 1st love. he's nice, good, patience, smart. my mum's love him so much. he sacrificed everything 4 d 1 he loves. he knows me well. yes he is, more than any1 else. he's nice n still look after me silently. i know, he's still care. cuz i know him very well too. =] thanks awk!

BH. bintang hati. yg dirindui. ye, sy ngaku sy rindu die. we met when we were 18. i dunno, the 1st time we met, i'm comfortable enough with him. he's the 1st guy yg sy trime to b my special accompany after i broke up with my 1st love. that's 1year n 9months after sy single mingle [that's d longest so far!] he's a good looking, down to earth, genius and really3 focus on his study. high of sense of humour. when we were friend, i thought he already had a gf. i mean, with his handsome look n attitude, he should have one. [he's d perfect n my dream guy type]. n i never ever dream about 2 b his gf. seriously~~~ but it last only for 6 months. and yup, sy jgk minx break. got my own reason 2. shouldnt mention bout d bad past time aite? sedihkan diri je. haha. i told him, it b better if kte jd kwn. he agreed. but i can c his eyes. there's a lil sadness when i asked him, we better off this way. tp...rasenye. kami la pasangan plg sempoi kot. pas break tuh, blh terus borak cam biase. jln2 tgk baju n beg, n mkn. LOL as usual. haha~~~ then. we say goodbye 17th june 2008. august 2008, he went to indonesia. medic. he really3 wants to be a dentist. n fyi, gigi die mmg lawa. ske tgk. haha. 5 years huh? erm. u know i always pray d best 4 u. glad that we still keep in touch. n glad that we're getting closer lately. =))

TTM, cinta dlm hati a.k.a 'goat'. haha. erm,kami makin rapat bout almost 6 months ago. jap je mase berlalu. he's a used-2-b player. stubborn, nice talker. pelupa. x punctual. kedekot. take everything easy. n mcm2 la utk kutok awk! haha. =P erm. 1 of my close friend said, "die ni la kwn laki ko yg plg bermasalah setakat nih." haha. yer. tp tataw cmne sy leh tahan. maybe i can c the good sight of him. at 1st, mmg anti gile die. sbb die playboy. obviously yesss~ then asal jmpe je mesti lmbt! ishhh. he knows i hate waiting but he'll do d same mistake over n over again. wawawa... die bknlah kedekot sgt, die sgt boros utk diri die tp dgn org lain die berkire. haha. whats d good thing? well. we love 2 LOL. n he changes slowly. yess, selepas sy membebel + nasihat + pukul2 + slow talk + hard talk =P + and listened 2 his story. and y i didn't just leave him? bcuz i know he needs me. i mean. his life would b lg lintang pukang mcm b4 if sy x de! sy try utk ubah die to b a better grown up guy. sometimes he just too naive. somebody really3 need 2 change him. his friends told me, he's stubborn. lot of ppl dislike him cuz he always give so many excuses and sgt3 x punctual. yup. i know that. but ppl plz, let me be with him as long as i can handle it. i know i've sacrifice a lot, thats what others said. just. i dunno. i still can take it. and, u know. he's a nice friend. just. yup. a lotttt of bad attitude 2 b fix up! ape pon. sy syg awk okay? XD

OKAY. THAT'S D INTRO BOUT THESE 3 GUYS.
and DA BEGINNING OF THE STORY. hahahahaha...
penat dah bace? stop je! hee. n now. just bout 2 of them.

i met my TTM 2day. but then, time tgh jmpe. sy msg dgn BH. since BH, rite now, da berade d indonesia suda. sy msg die 4 da last time. msg2, tibe2 je TTM tanye sy msg dgn sape. x pernah die curious sgt. sy ckp kwn... then die tanye lg. sy ckp lg kwn... then tgh type msg, tetbe he came closer n cpt2 sy tolak hp ke tepi. maka, sms sy n BH terhenti seketika. then lepak2 dgm TTM, sy tgk hp. sy ckp nak tgk jam. tp tataw nape, TTM perasan sy asyik tgk hp kot hari ni. n die tanye, nape asyik tgk hp. n die ckp sy muram n lain skit hari ni. no no no. seriously sy ok je. tak diam pon. talkative as usual. TTM tu plak ter-over nmpk sy hari nih. wawawa~~~ then. sy ckp sy nak reply msg kwn jap. tibe2 je die nak ambik hp sy. i know, slalunye sy mmg x kesah. tp td sy x kasi. n die pelik. die ckp, sejak bile pandai sorok2 ni? sy cam...cuak! sbb tgh msg BH. then die majuk. jenuh jgk pujuk. then. u know what did i sent to BH? ok. its stupid... sy da delete sent item time menggelabah td. just. lebeyh kurang mcm ni sy ckp;

i sent to BH
"i just wanna know. do u still love me? sorry sbb straight 4ward. i just wanna know"

BH replied [no editing]
hmm.. mmg nk jwb soklan 2.. tp i really2 knfius.. n bg BH, xnk brpkr psl 2.. im so sori.. tp yg pasti BH gmbra skrg ngn hbgn kter rite nw n xnk mnggugat our frenshp.. mngkn yg 2 yg mmpu BH lakukan sbb BH bkn lelaki yg brani.. im so sori"

then i started 2 cry... i dunno y! but i'm sensitive 2day cuz it's SPM result's day. owhhh. FYI, sy mmg sensitive hari result spm kuar. cuz sy dissapointed dgn result spm sy. so every year time result SPM kuar, sy akan rase semcm n nangisss sbb terkilan. EVERY YEAR ppl. sy taw sy pelik~ haha. wkt TTM call adek die utk tanye result spm, adek die nangis sbb unexpected. sy pon terus nangis!!! i know how does she feels! wawawa~~~ mmg kene kutok la dgn TTM sy td. haha. then pas sy bace msg BH tuh, sy nangis. TTM nmpk. die tanye...nape nangis. u know what did i say? sy ckp. "sy syg awk. sedih kalo sy hilang awk jgk. penat dah rase kehilangan" do u get it??? behind all that, sy rase sedyh sbb sy teringt perasaan sy mule2 hilang BH dulu. n sy bkn nangis sbb TTM sy tuh td. huu...jaatnye sy terpakse tpu sunat. sy tammo la die pk sy leh lak nangis ttg org lain time tgh hang out dgn die. and time tuh...dlm otak sy ade lagu "THINKING OF YOU". wuuuu~~~ mcm sgt betol!

yg rase cam lagi haru biru. tetbe. 4 da 1st time TTM itu bgtaw sy...
"sy bahgie dgn awk. sy blh jd diri sdiri."
"sy taw BH n 1st love awk syg awk lg.
die org still care, at least"
"even sy slalu kutok awk. tp awk patot taw.
tu tande sy selesa dgn awk"
"awk untung. ramai lg syg awk. sy. BH. 1st love"
hukkk. sy diam... ssh org ego cam die nih. utk dipercayai. wawawa~~~
yerrr. ape org lain ckp turut mempengaruhi sy.

at the n of d day, 2day.
sy dgn BH, still kwn mcm biase. kami teruskan "just go with da flow"
erm. x perlah. sy taw die perlu kejar cita2 die...

sy dgn TTM, sy majuk! haha. die gurau melampau. then die bla pon sy buat bodow. but then, terus die send msg ckp "sy syg awk. sory ttg td" erm. tp hari ni die confess bnyk bnde yg sy x expect dr die...

CONCLUSION;
THE BIGGEST confession OF THE YEAR~
2day i realize...
sy rndu my 1st love.
sy syg TTM sy.
tp sy cinta BH sy.

once i said 'i love u', i mean 4ever. sy akan syg. sampai bile2.
sy akan jage kalian dr jauh. even time tu mungkin x seperti dulu.
tak salah sy rindu kenangan sy.
sy taw batasan sy. sy hormat life org lain jgk.
well. that's d end 4 2day! dont wanna talk or think bout it act.
sy KAWANNN dgn mereka bertiga dan biarlah masa yg tentukan.
ALLAH. aturkan yg terbaik utk hamba-Mu ini~~~ =]

1st couple, x semestinye 1st love.
1st love. x semestinye true love.
true love. x semestinye, 4ever...

p/s; yesterday post ttg BH.
kebetolan ia post sy yg ke 143!!!
143 = i love u. huuu~~~